Augmentation Artificer – Patch Notes: Removed Humanity, etc… (v1.0)

Look, don’t worry about it. Yes, half my body has been replaced by magical constructs. Yes, I no longer feel emotions, pain, or guilt. But it’s still me! I’m still the same inside. No invasive surgery or experimental augmentation can take that away…

Until mid-next week, at least.

Click through to join the construct revolution with the Augmentation Artificer! Continue reading “Augmentation Artificer – Patch Notes: Removed Humanity, etc… (v1.0)”

Late Review – Complete Druid’s Handbook (2e)

Druids in Advanced Dungeons and Dragons 2e are one of the weakest class options out there. They have severe alignment restrictions and very limited spell selection. In fact, most druids become functionally useless when underground, inside, or in a desert. Never fear, though – this was a known issue. And so we have… The Complete Druid’s Handbook! Which proceeds to fix absolutely none of these problems!

Join me to look at the earliest attempts at non-treehugging druids, a too-in-depth background on the weird global druid conspiracy, and more!

Druid and Overweight Fox-Bear Companion

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Planar Relations Warlock – We Sawed This Title in Half! (v1)

Now that’s a lot of damage!

We are currently hiring dedicated Planar Relations agents to join our up-and-coming interplanar agency! If you have a love for marketing, an acceptance of potentially deceitful methods, and a lack of distaste for working with eldritch abominations, then you’d make a perfect addition to our team.

Click below to apply for the Planar Relations Warlock position!

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Advancing Editions – THAC0: Thoroughly Hating Advanced Calculus 0!

So it really is no secret that I hate the THAC0 system with all of my heart. It is without a doubt the absolute worst part of 2nd Edition, and I celebrated at the day of its death.

A few times people have asked me why I hate THAC0 so much. The answer is… a lot of reasons, really.

But mostly, it just sucks.

Continue reading “Advancing Editions – THAC0: Thoroughly Hating Advanced Calculus 0!”

Advancing Editions – Dr. System Shock, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Save-or-Die

While “save-or-die” isn’t really what we’re talking about here, it sure makes for a catchy buzzword. But instead of that, we’ll be looking more generally at the evolution of the saving throw in general – from its humble and confusing beginnings to the modern day.

Also get the d20’s ready. When I say the old system is confusing, I mean like in the confusion spell. Hope you’ve got a good Wisdom save bonus.

Just as a note, it may take a year but by god do I follow up on my stupid title jokes.

Continue reading “Advancing Editions – Dr. System Shock, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Save-or-Die”

Unrelated: Halloween, Trick-or-Treating, and d4’s

Happy Halloween! Now is the time for costumes, scares, and candy.

I am now a grown adult, and thus no longer trick-or-treat. However, because I am a grown adult I can now simply buy as much candy as I want. There are also very few people who can tell me not to do this.

This has ended up being much more of a problem than I thought it would be when I was 12.

 

Anyway, I’ve come up with a novel idea for limiting candy intake which I call “tabletop trick-or-treating.” Essentially it uses D&D to replace the door-to-door candy gathering I once did as a child (and wouldn’t be able to do now even if I was still a child because of a literal plague).

It seems pretty simple, so… here we go!

 

Firstly, try to remember around how many houses you would normally visit while trick-or-treating as a child. Failing that, make up a number and just make-believe that it has any actual statistical value.

Next, roughly estimate how generous your childhood neighbors were using the following table. Assume here that none of them were generous enough to give out full-size candy bars because A) they weren’t, and B) you are physically incapable of eating that amount of raw sugar at this age.

Generosity Die Size
Stingy Rather than use a set die size, roll the largest die closest to your total number of houses visited and add a modifier to make up the rest; IE for a 42-house gauntlet, roll 2d20 + 2.
PTA “Trunk-or-Treat” 1d6 per “house” but at least half the result must be granola bars or fruit
Fairly Generous 1d4 – 1 per house (minimum one)
Very Kind 1d4 per house
Enthusiastic 1d4 + 1 per house
“Hey Kiddo, Let’s Put Some of These Away, Alright?” 2d4 per house
Dentist Neighborhood 2d6 per house but you have to tape a dentist’s business card to each candy

Finally, roll as directed on the table. Buy your Halloween candy (and a six-foot long pole to hang the candy bowl off of) and pick out a number of pieces equal to the rolled number. Eat them and then don’t get any more. Just don’t.

Once Halloween is over, take the candy out back and burn it to appease the trick-or-treat gods and to prevent you from eating more so it “won’t go to waste.”

 

And there you have it! The brand new, never-before-seen Dungeons and Dragons solution to over-consumption of candy during the Halloween season. I’ll be trying it myself this year even though I know I’ll abandon it as soon as I run out of candy. But if you try it and have more self-control than me (imagine a really impulsive third grader), let me know how it goes!

The Psionic Panic

Psionics is interesting, isn’t it? I don’t think I’ve ever seen something else so divisive in Dungeons and Dragons. I mean sure, people can argue about racial traits and ranger reworks, but psionics is where the arguments get real. Since the upcoming Tasha’s Guide to Everything looks to have multiple of those topics it should make the D&D social network quite… interesting.

Anyway it’s been a while since the last time I ended up out of my depth, so here we are!

Let’s talk psionics. Just don’t go mental on me, alright?

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School of Arcana Wizard – The Know-It-All Mage! (v3)

Magic is a tool like any other. It exists to be learned and mastered by those with the dedication, patience, and aptitude to do so. Many wizards embrace the diversity of magic and hone their skills in a favored school or technique.

But to the mage, a student of the School of Arcana, all magic is fair game. After all, why play favorites? No one school is better than another, but combined the possibilities are limitless.

Come learn the basics below, with the School of Arcana wizard!

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Forgotten God Warlock – There’s No Point Believing in Things that Exist (v2)

To a god, belief is an acceptance of their philosophy and ideas, and also a confidence the god will still be there tomorrow. This faith is self-fulfilling; so long as you believe, the god will be. If you forget, then it won’t.

To a forgotten god, belief is something much different. It is the futile, desperate hope that things will change. Bereft of evidence or proof, belief is all that is left. To a forgotten god, belief is the hope that you will bring it back to life.

Remember more below, with the Forgotten God warlock!

Warlock-ForgottenGod-v2

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